Monday, November 21, 2005

You know you're an English Montrealer when...

Having been born and raised in Montreal, I can identify with a lot of this:

You know you're an English Montrealer when (list shortened for brevity):

Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.
You agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of their nerves of steel.
You have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St-Viateur if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.
You refer to Mont Tremblant as "up North."
You know how to pronounce Pie IX (it's 'pee neuf').
You believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul - but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your classmates live there now.
You greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met once a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss.
You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for at least 25 years.
You cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.
You order fries 'with sauce', not 'with gravy'.
You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival.
For two weeks a year, you are a jazz afficianado.
You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure.
You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.
April Wine once played your high school.
You know that Montreal is responsible for making the following cool in North America: bagels, poutine, smoked meat and Supertramp.
You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never been in grade 12.
The margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard.
You never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone whose cousin or something dated him.
There has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in less than 24 hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.
You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.
You encounter bilingual homeless people.
You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA system, no matter what the language.
You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner downtown.
You like your pizza all-dressed

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