If you're not groaning by the end of this post, I need to try harder.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.
What is invisible and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta
How does Jack Frost get to work?
By icicle.
Why did the face of Boe go to the party by himself?
Because he had no body to go with.
When I found out my toaster was not waterproof, I was shocked.
How often do I make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.
I actually told one the other day.
There was no reaction.
My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together.
I totally nailed it.
What's orange and sounds like parrots?
Carrots.
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. Bcause all the rest... they're weekdays.
What do you call a woman on the arm of a banjo player?
A tattoo.
In France, one egg is an eouf. So they just have one.
What did the shy pebble wish?
That she was a little boulder.
David lost his ID in Prague.
Now we call him Dav.
What do you call a pencil without lead?
Pointless.
Beethoven's fave fruit?
Ba-na-na-na....
How do you give an octopus ten giggles?
You give him ten tickles.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
They have big fingers.
Which side of the chicken has more feathers?
The outside.
What do you call a man who shaves 20 times per day?
A barber.
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
Never trust an atom.
They make up everything.
I took the shell off my racing snail to try to make it go faster.
If anything, it's more sluggish.
Oxygen and Magnesium are totally going out.
Like, OMg.
Did you hear the two antennas got married?
The ceremony kinda sucked but the reception was awesome.
What's ET short for?
So he can fit on the spaceship.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines.
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